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[Thursday
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I swear I have PMDD
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[Thursday
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Never again am I going a Doctor, except for maybe when I give birth to a child..but that is it. I hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate anything having to do with the medical field, it freaks me out.
Anyway, Bella is lonely without Sammers around. It makes me sad, she doesn't have anyone to play with anymore, and it is extremely weird only having one dog in the house, so we decided to get lil' baby girl boo to keep her company. We're picking out one from this litter later this week.
Awwww look at those baby boo's!
God, I am like one of those weird old ladies who thinks her dogs are her children.
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[Thursday
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I hate how whenever I am angry I become paralyzed.
I cannot do anything except just sit there, and let every thing eat me up.
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[Tuesday
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The thing I miss most
is waking up on a Saturday morning
driving to my grandmas with my mom
walking into her house, giving her a kiss
and hearing her say "Little Mary,"
looking at her as she sat in her chair in the living room
while I drank the lemon juice that she bought just for me.
I miss her kisses, and the way she smelled,
I miss the story that she always told me
I miss her pumpkin sqaures, and her shortbread cookies in her drawer
I miss every single thing about her.
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[Wednesday
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I don't know what the fuck is happening with my emotions, but it better stop NOW.
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| go get a better looking son |
[Monday
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I have never felt this fucking angry in all of my life.
nor have I felt this shitty.
Fuck $1,000 diets, and everyone who goes on them.
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[Saturday
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So far the past two weeks have been very satisfying.
Dave Matthews Band in Chicago was insane. Traffic sucked..the whole 2.5 hours of it, but it was still fun in the car. We ate way too much delicious food, and we were positive we each gained 10 pounds. Allison's tour of Chicago the next day was fun, long, but fun.
I'd love to live in Chicago, if I were the one who didn't have to drive. I don't quite have the anger that the Illinois people have, but I could get used to it.
My birthday was great. Eric Clapton was GREAT. People scalping tickets SUCKED. You assholes...maybe you shouldn't be so obvious that you guys are working together to scam people. Going out to eat with my pops and my bros was funny, and I enjoy being with all of them, especially now. To top of the end of the evening I got a free vault from people just passing them out. I wasn't going to turn that down.
Votech is tight, I'd rather that be school, because it doesn't suck. Well...John sucks, but that will always be the same. We had a pointless trip to the Hartford speedway for "business entrepreneurship," but at least it made the day go by faster.
I have to get tickets to O.A.R
Soon.
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| what da fuck |
[Thursday
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School has officially started.
No more summer, not any more of the summer list to finish, and no more sleeping in.
I don't feel like I would hate school if it just started later in the day, instead of having to wake up around 6:30 monday-friday for the 9 months of the year. I must say though that driving to school and from school is marvelous and so much more convenient.
Votech is pretty nice. Just the fact of being around all new people and getting away from school is splendid.
Work at both places will always be lame, much like yesterday when I had 6 hours of school, and then 5 hours at work and not coming home until 10:00. At least I am gaining a good source of income. I have been working since I was a sophomore, which is crazy.
Dave Matthews Band in Chicago is in exactly one week tomorrow. I'm pretty pumped. I don't think anyone in school even knows that I like them...
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[Sunday
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"You know every story, every wound, every memory. Their whole life's happiness is wrapped up in you. Don't you get it? Look down the road at her wedding. I'm in a room, alone with her, fitting her veil, fluffing her dress, telling her no woman has ever looked that beautiful. And my fear is that she'll be thinking, I wish my mom was here."
"And mine is, she won't."
I uncontrollably sob whenever I watch the movie Stepmom
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[Monday
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I am tired of working. Working has consumed my whole summer.
I need to stop being jealous. I get so damn jealous about everything. Everything. It's fucking lame.
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[Sunday
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Summer is going by too fast, I have at least 20 more things on my summer list that need to be accomplished.
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[Tuesday
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I was attacked by a some stupid fucking dog today.
It was a nice dog, and then all of a sudden I leaned over and it ATTACKED my face. Fucker. She made me bleed.
I hate it when people hang on your every word, as if it is the last drop of water ever to be on the universe, just so that they can have their say in the conversation.
They aren't even fucking listening, they are just waiting until you're finished to tell more about themselves.
If you're not going to listen, don't even ask.
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[Friday
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I found that book! I mean, i do not have it in my possession, but I FOUND THAT BOOK.
That book was my all time favorite thing when i was little and every time I went to the library I would always check it out. Then all of a sudden the library no longer had it.
but, I googled it, and found it for $30.08
I am so happy about this.
Anyway, yesterday I went to the beach with my boo, and we were laying on the beach and we were told to get a room.
hahahah it was funny.
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| Glad to be home |
[Monday
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This weekend was very very lovely. I had a great time, and Tennessee is amazing. It is so beautiful.
My aunt Mary lives in the town of franklin, but more in the town called Leapers fork.
It is the cutest small town, ever. Although, it really isn't a small town because a lot of people live there...eh anyway.
The houses there are all beautiful. Mansions everywhere. Ashley Judd lives seriously less than like .04 miles away from my aunt. We drove past and her house is gorgeous. Tim and faith Hill live like 2 miles away, and so does allen Jackson. Franklin is so historic too, like you can see the slave walls were the confederate soldiers hid from the union. And some of these walls were just past my aunts property. It is so neat.
The wedding was fun though, there was a lot of my family there. The church they had it in was adorable, it was teeny tiny. And the reception hall was beautiful. Allen Jackson had just played at it for a benefit concert like 2 weeks before. Basically tennessee is amazing, and I'm sad I had to leave it, but I am glad to be home.
My aunts Driveway
The view from the house at the Rehearsal dinner
Rehearsal dinner
My cousin Dace, and his wife aimee
My cousin brynna, the flower girl
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[Sunday
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It looks like I have been hit in the face, or that I am holding tennis balls in my cheeks.
Getting your wisdom teeth out sucks. A lot.
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| prom |
[Sunday
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Last night was absolutely fantastic. I had a like a totally fetch night.
I need to get my film developed.
look at that babi boi
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| Life in Slow Motion |
[Monday
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I cannot stand the feeling of me knowing I have so much work to accomplish, but I can't do it. And it's horrible that I am not getting any help with it either.
also
I hate the feeling of knowning something bad is happening, but I am too afraid to confront it. When it gets to the point when it eats me up inside, but what will happen when there is nothing left for my conscious to eat. I hate pushing those doubtful thoughts behind, because I need those thoughts and questions to be answered, but I am too upset and nervous to even bring them up.
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[Sunday
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Sometimes, actually very often, I think about last year, and I remember how much I miss it. I miss this past summer, and I miss sophomore year. I miss so much hanging out at nooshas everyday after school, and making tea and spending the weekends over there.
I miss Chelseys dads house, and South haven. I miss how at the beginning of summer when Liz came over to chelseys house and morgan came over and we stole the golfcart and drove around late at night in the neighborhood.
I miss going to nooshas and taking out all her clothes and listening to spice girls and putting on makeup, and being friends with Sam. Not like I would ever be friends with him EVER again, but when we were, until he was crazy, it was fun.
I MISS SAM TABOO.
God i miss that. I miss everything. I want things to go back to the way they were. Not like anythings wrong with things are now, because when I do get to hang out with my ladies it is so much fun, but I wish it were like last year when I could go and hang out everyday until late at night, and spend the weekend with my girls.
Ladies- This summer, we need to slip-n-slide and hang out more, and steal golfcarts and have tea parties.
Also, I miss the feeling of getting butterflies, and feeling excited to see someone. I miss being nervous about a kiss and a phone call. I miss lying on top of the car looking at the stars, and spending the day at the beach.
I miss feeling special.
Things get so confusing. I hate how this medicine, on my final month of it, makes me so crazy. It makes me get so mad about things.
I want to confront people about how I feel, but I don't and I hold it in. That is why I miss last year/summer, because that was I time when I didn't ever have to confront people when I was mad at them, because I never was.
And it aggravates me so much when I feel I am not interesting. When I tell a story, or talk, and all people can do is go "oh that reminds me of..." Why can't you ever comment on what I am telling you. Why do you always have to go on to your story, and totally dismiss mine. Why can't people ever ask me how things were, or what I did. Or when they do, to at least sound INTERESTED.
That is why when people tell me a story, I LISTEN, I ask questions, I make comments, because I hate it so much when you feel like you are talking to air.
I am so sick of talking to air.
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[Monday
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Don't you hate the feeling when all you want to do is sleep, but you can't.
Or you slept all day, but you are still tired.
I feel this way right now, but I can't go to bed.
And my hands are also the temperature of -798 degrees celsius
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| Effortless |
[Thursday
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| [ |
mood |
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burnt |
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| [ |
music |
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Ben Harper- Better way |
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I took my lovely math test today. Once again I am positive I failed it.
I hate math this year. I wish I could just go back to freshman year and take Algebra. I loved Algebra.
My boo showed me the Fray tickets that just came in. I am a little excited. Maybe more than a little.
HOW EXCITING. I was watching random music videos on Launch, and the lovely Ben Harpers video came on. Things like that excite me way too much.
Annabell is having her little boo's! I wish my bella was having little boo's. Bella would be a bratty mom though, because she has to have all the attention on her. Sammy would be a good dad dog though.
Ok, that is weird that I am discussing my dogs and their roles as parents. I am finished.
Wow I would love to marry Ben Harper. God I love that man. This video is absolutely beautiful.
My stomach hurts. adsfaeradfa
I need money for dmb this summer. Perhaps I should ask my parents though before I buy the tickets. I do not want my head cut off.
Also, today I realized that everyone I look at, reminds me of someone. I mean seriously everyone. I always find myself saying, "they remind me of.." It is sort of getting annoying because then I cannot figure out who they remind me of.
Alright, enough.
♥
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eatdrinkbemary's journal